Another long night...

To start if off... it was after 2am and i finally got Ma'Kai to sleep and i'm trying to keep NaLysia asleep.  So I am sitting on my bed, rocking NaLysia and in comes Ja'Mari, in tears, and says "Mommy, I miss Daddy!!"  It broke my heart and got me all teary... holding back the tears.  I give him a hug and he cries even more.  I haven't called Michael daily because he doesn't have a set schedule and he could be working days or nights and i don't want to mess up his sleep... but in this case... i had to call him.  So I asked Ja'Mari if he'd like to call, and of course he said yes... we called and he got on the phone and Ja'Mari said, "Daddy, I miss you..." and broke down crying... he couldn't talk. =(  Tears rolling down my face... i encourage him to talk to Daddy and Michael's on the end telling him that he misses him too. I got Ja'Mari to change the subject so he would stop crying and he told him how he got a huge plane from the dollar store... they talked for about 10 minutes and Ja'Mari was feeling somewhat better.  Better enough so that he was ready for bed... and that he did...

I talked to Michael for a few... which made me feel better from the last few days of being an emotional wreck... told him what's been going on, etc.  I am feeling better that i got to hear his voice... and hoping that we can skype later on so that the kids can see him.

I'm finally about to go to bed but right before i check FB, lol.. cuz i had 6 notifications... and then i hear footsteps... i know it's either TaShaun or Ja'Mari... and they're coming for my room and not the bathroom...  I was right... It was TaShaun... he just threw up all over the couch and floor where he was sleeping in the living room and he threw up on the way to my room... all over the floor... and almost in my room, but he made it to the toilet this time.  He's so upset, not only because he's throwing up but because he threw up on "A LOT" on the couch and floor... and i have to clean it up.  I told him it was ok, sometimes you can't help it.  So i make him a pallete on the floor in my room, so that he doesn't throw up on the bed.  he goes and grabs a plastic bag to put next to him... i give him some motrin and i ask him where his water was and he proceeds to get up... i told him i'd get it for him... and he tells me where it's at.  I come back and he's sitting up, taking deep breaths, holding his bag... he didn't throw up again but he was getting ready.

He's now laying down and just took a drink of water... hopefully we all feel better and not waste the day.  Not only is it going to be another beautiful day in Washington, that we have to take advantage everytime... but it's also A.J.'s 18th birthday!!!

This would be another reason i need my own space... then we'd be doing what we'd do at home... we'd be camping out in the living room... can't do that here.. just the boys...

sickness is contagious...

if you've been reading, you would know that Ma'Kai's been sick... throwing up.  Today i wake up feeling like CRAP!!!  My stomach was hurting!!!  hunched over and everything... come to find out my Mom too... OMG!!!

I had to go to the bank, coudln't hold it off another day... so i go and i am feeling somewhat better cuz i threw up before i left... you know how sometimes that makes you feel better... well i thought it did.  I am leaving the bank about to go home and then i think to myself.... hold on... i am going to the store and i am getting something... i don't know what cuz i don't ever, ever take medicine for stomach issues... i don't know what to get.  i go to walmart and i am stuck... i get pepto and tums cuz that's all i know about, lol.  At this point... i am starting to feel the cramping in my stomach again...

I walk my way to the register and i feel flushed and my stomach is cramping and i feel like passing out and i am shakey.  All i am wanting is for these people to hurry up and pay and move out of my way!!  Of course i get the cashier  that is slowest.  I grab a water from the cooler and i start drinking it.  I am leaning up against the register waiting for it to be my turn... and OMG finally me and i had 3 things... it took her FOREVER to give me back 54 freakin'cents!!!

I really was feeling bad.. i walked out the door and sat on the of the patio set displays because i really felt like i was gonna pass out!!  I sat there for about 10 minutes to compose myself.  Finally, i got the energy to walk to my car and i turned it on, turned the AC up to full blast!!  I was even more shakey and i still felt like passing out and i was hunched over with pain!!  Another 15 minutes go by and i finally get the strength to drive home... during the drive it was stomach pains every 2-3 minutes like i was having contractions or something!! It was THAT bad!!!

Finally, i'm home... the baby is asleep... i take Ma'Kai and we take a nap!!  He was passed out... for me... i kept waking up in pain!!  I don't know what's wrong!!  I've taken 9 peptos already!!  I figured i'd get up and get some fresh air after 2 hours.. ma'kai woke up, i make him a gerber graduate meal and take him outside while i get some air... at this point my stomach is being good.. no pain.

Just when i thought we were in the clear (with Ma'Kai) he throws up!!  Glad we were outside... then 2 minutes later... he did it again!!  BOO!!!  So i spray it down with the hose and we come inside!!  I sit on the bed with the baby and TaShaun wakes up from his nap (that he took cuz his tummy hurt) and tells me his head hurts now... oh my... i think this house is coming down with something.

NO!!  i can't do this... i can't be sick!!  Are you kidding me?? I rarely ever get sick and when i do... it isn't the freakin' flu!!  I have 5 kids to take care of at the moment... c'mon... let it be a 24 hour bug!!

A week a go...

A week a go from yesterday, Michael left...

I was also an emotional wreck last night!!  Missing and needing my husband, a needy Love Bug, a sick Monkey, and they rest of 3 ducklings... were up, running around, wanting everything, and taddling all night long... so i just needed to take a moment to break down and let it out!!

Yes... i am SuperMom, but even super heros need a break...

It probably doesn't help that not only am i a single parent to 4 kids and 2 being only 15 months apart, both of whom are still needing Mommy more than ever... for the next year but i am living in a small room with my 2 babies... and all 5 of our belongings are in this itty bitty room with an itty bitty closet.  Me being unprepared and not knowing and indecisive about where I am going once school starts!!  Do I go to Spokane and be the independent person that I am or stay here and be half independent... meaning... i get out and get a house but i still have my parents to fall back on as far as babysitters.  I just don't know... and i NEED to figure out!!

I want to work, i want to go to school, I want to be with my kids... but i know i can't do it all!!  Well ... i can... i have been doing it for the last 7 years!!  But this time around i don't have Michael to be there for my kids.

Since being here... and it's always like this when we are here but this time its different because we've been here for so long.  Since we've been here the boys have lost structure and keeps forgetting the rules.... taking advantage of things, and outright losing their respect and manners towards others.  They've become lazy and just doesn't want to do anything!!  It is driving me nuts because this is NOT how i run the Berish household.  But that's the issue... this isn't my house!!  I am not always there to supervise them and because they're not always here or should i say have been so far away... the grandparents just let them get away with it... and i am not liking it.  I state that and it just doesn't matter so therefore that frustrates me even more.

They have no schedule, they're playing to many video games, not going outside, eating too much junk, eating at all times of the day and night... arguing, not listening, taddling... OMG... i know life is peachy everyday... but this would not be happening like this if i had my OWN HOUSE!!!

I need to figure things out and act on it... i am getting way to stressed out and i don't have time for all that when i have these kids to take care of...

The kids helping him check his bags in...

Right before getting on the plane... then it was tears... from Mommy at least... =*(

Hopefully...

I have an awful migraine and is really msising and needing my husband tonight...

Hopefully, Ma'Kai is feeling somewhat better... he hasn't thrown up in a few hours... he's been drinking, still not much to eat... but he's been drinking and staying hydrated.  He had a fever, poop has been hard as rocks today, and still 8 teeth taking its time to completely poke through.  =(  Because he's sick, of course he wants me and he wants me to hold him so when i am in the middle of feeding NaLysia... he doesn't take it so well... instant tears...

I email Michael and i tell him how much i am missing and needing him and how i was thinking of him and afterwards, i pick up NaLysia to give her a kiss and play with her for a little bit.  Instant tears... i get all emotional!!  It hits me... Michael is gone for a year... her first year... he's gonna miss out on EVERYTHING!!! This is favorite time... when they're little and he gets to nap with them on his chest. =(  I don't get to take that picture with her and her daddy... i never got the chance to take a picture of her and her daddy by themselves...=(  **SIGH**

an emotional wreck at the moment...

My little Monkey,,,

My poor little monkey isn't feeling too well today.  Not much for me last night, very early this morning Ma'Kai had thrown up in the bed and all over himself... it was more saliva then anything and he kept gagging himself.  he woke up a few times doing it.  He had went back to sleep until about noon and for a couple of hours he played.  He didn't want to eat anything but he drank his milk and some water.

So the plan for the day was to go back and look at a dog... on the way there i smelled it... yup, he threw up all over himself and the car seat!!  =/ I ended up getting him an outfit at walmart and we went to go see the dog (who wasn't there) and went home.  Then i realized, he threw up again!!  Poor little guy.  As soon as we got home, we came into the room, i took off his shoes, and he was asleep in less than 2 minutes!!  He is just now waking up after 3 hours.

He just took a bite of my pretzel, first thing he's eaten all day and is asking for some water.  So maybe he slept it off a bit but he does feel a little warm. =(  Let me go feed my monkey... i might regret this later but at least he's getting some food in.

Had a laugh tonight...

So i go outside for some fresh air and i choose to go out to the front porch and sit down. Then i notice there's white stuff on the ground.  So i get up to go look and there's a trail from the gate onto the driveway. So I am looking and i see a bottle in the driveway... and from afar i can tell it's a ranch bottle.  I didn't open the gate, i thought about it, but then saw that there ranch on the lock and handle too. In the middle of this ranch mess... (imagine) there 2 kiwis and a cucumber laying there...

LMAO!!  What in the world??  I say, "WTF? Is that a cucumber and kiwis??" SMH and i text my brother to see if he was home.  His door was closed so i didn't know... he texts back and yes he's home so i tell him to come outside!!  I try to take a picture but my phone doesn't have a freakin' flash and its too dark, you can't see a thing, lol.  So AJ comes out and i let him figure it out... he then laughs and i say, "Someone's mad or just playing a joke on you"  He doesn't know what's going on and who it was, lol... i tell him to take a pic and if it comes out to send it to me, but he never did so i figure it didn't come out too well... hahaha.  He picks up the cucumber and kiwis, throw it away, and wipes the lock and handle to the gate... but leaves the ranch all over the driveway and part of the walk way... SMH!!

Then i realize... there's some ranch on my car!!  Punks... messing with my car... they're lucky i don't know who they are, lol... So i figure, i'll take the hose and spray it off... well i couldn't figure out where the faucet was it was too dark for me to just stick my hand in there and feel around, especially since there was a huge spider web next to... so there's still ranch everywhere and i meant to go back out there with a wipey and wipe my car off but then i got distracted and forgot... now i'm too lazy and about to go bed... i hope at least.

Good laugh for the night...

A trip to the Humane Society

I took the kids to the Humane Society today... to look... and that's what we did... but if that pittbull was there... it could have been different.  Lol... idk what it is but i think pitbulls are so beautiful and people would treat them right, they would have a better name.  I, along with the boys, just really miss our Sheera!! =(

Now that we lost Gordy... and it's sad because the kids don't know what happened to him really... they just know that he ran away.  he was missing for 2 weeks and was found in the lake by our house.  he must've fell in, and kills me that we never found him, and that he had to drown... =(  His first year of life and he didn't even make it the full year, he's had it so hard... with his seizures and all.

As a family, we've always had a dog.  Before we had the kids, we had Sheera... we've always just had a dog, thats what my kids know and they miss it.  Although, they want little dogs... dogs that I call "kick-dogs", hahaha... it just will never happen in this family, lol.  Not in my house at least!!  They also want a cat and that definitely won't EVER happen!!  I told Ja'Mari that when he gets his own place, he can get a cat... and i'll even buy it for him.

Tomorrow, we plan on going back to take a look at Auggie, an 8 month old pitt... we'll see... it's all how he acts around the kids of course.  If he can handle all these kids around him... then we're good.  We got Gordy at 6 months, and what sold him was when Michael brought him into a house full of people and he was bombarded with kids from 1 to 13 about 6 of them... and he sat there and did nothing... he sat and let them pet him.  That's the kind of dog we need... but sadly we lost him.

We'll also be meeting a 1 1/2 year old chocolate lab for my mother... that my friend's cousin's friend is trying to find a home for because he can't afford to build a fence.