Busy, busy...

So i've missed a couple of days... surprisingly, just a couple, lol... i was doing so good!!  But i did think about it everytime.  I use Google Chrome as my web browser, so i have it set up that everytime i open it up, 3 pages pop up... hotmail, FB, and blogspot... so i think about it more... after all... it's meant for it to be like a diary right??

Anyway... i had to go back and read my blogs to see where i ended and what i've said...

So, we got a housing offer from Fairchild.  A 4 bedroom, 3 bath, living and family room, dining room... garage, basement, culdesack (how do you spell this word???LOL spell check did not work), across the street from the playground... perfect??  well it can be for the time being!!  I am greatful i go a house!!  But i get to move out of it next summer, lol... it's due for renovations!!  Oh well, better than nothing, and i don't have to rush to unpack EVERYTHING!!

So August 12th, we'll be taking Sarraya to Spokane to meet her Mom so she can go home... well, original plan was for me to drop her off and come back (to tacoma) and then go back out on the 26th and move... but with the budget...  and the HUGE pay cut we got since we're not getting COLA anymore... it's best i just do one trip!!  But on the downside... i just found out that i won't be getting my TMO until mid September.  That would be 3 1/2 months from the time it got packed out from Lajes... GEEZ!!  it's not like we have furniture or anything but it would be nice to have kitchen and clothes and bath stuff!! At least they have a loan closet i can get it from.  We have been living out of suitcase for the past 2 months and the same thing for the 2 months, and i only brought 1 pair of non-maternity jeans, lol... and not in the budget for me to shop which i don't want to... i want to lose weight then shop... but that's another story.  What I do have as far as furniture is a queen size bed and a washer and dryer... in storage... but that can take 30 days after i fill out paperwork, which would be on the 12th of August!!  So for about a month i will be living with no washer and dryer and 4 kids with a newborn, lol... what am i thinking!!  We'll see how it goes... i'm sure my friend won't mind me using her W/D every now and then... hope she has a TV i can borrow too but i was going to buy the boys one anyway so maybe i can fit that in the budget earlier than planned...**sigh**

Enough about that...

I had a photoshoot Friday evening!!  First one outside my friends and family and it was GREAT!!  I can't wait to finish proofing and editing it so I can get it up on my FB page... if you don't know about it... go to www.facebook.com/MaeBPhotography.

Today, or yesterday now... NaLysia is officially a month old and i took her to get some pics done!!  Along with the rest of the Berish clan, lol.  It was an experience... yes it was!!  Baby girl isn't fond of modeling, lol... and Ma'Kai isn't fond of sitting still... But we managed to get some good ones.

So after the pictures that took a couple of hours... no seriously... a couple of hours... lol... i let them play at the park.  Ma'Kai was a bit tired by this time and of course we parked on the other side of the park so it was a long walk back... no stroller either... he wasn't having it!!  He didn't want his brothers or sister... he wanted ME and only ME!!!  He didn't want to walk... he kept going limp... so walking back to the car with Ma'Kai on one arm and NaLysia in her car seat on the other arm!!  Quite a workout it was!!  Wish someone could have taken a pic of me too cuz it was a sight to see... but it finally hit me, right then and there... THAT was my reality!!!  Just me and my kids... single parenting it... for the next year... **sigh again**  I love my kids... i wouldn't change anything... i know me and i know what i can do... and this single parenting thing... is definitely one of them!!  If you know me... everyone calls me SuperMom and if it isn't the truth... i wouldn't be called it, lol... i am proud to be a Super Mom!!  My kids deserve nothing less...

Continued...

TO continue my story...

We went into the hospital Tuesday afternoon... it's now Thursday afternoon and we were hoping to be released by evening, if not early Friday... everything was good, everything normal, like it has been... but throughout all this she was poked and prodded so many times and woke up pretty much every hour or 2... and it seemed once i got her fed and settled and down in the bed... they came and woke her for something... poor baby.

She still slept and that's when she looked the most peaceful and i felt so bad that she kept having to get woke up. She was so exhausted that she had been doing for the last 2 days that she was barely awake.

 During one of her feedings in the middle of the night... her ivy came off of her head!!  Freaked me out, Michael was asleep and he jumped up to push the nurse's call button.  Kinda freaked both of us out... i didn't know if it hurt her or what but she wasn't crying nor was she bleeding everywhere!!  That worried me... so they replaced it on her hand, where it should have been in the first place, i think at least.

While she we were at the hostpital, Michael or I would go pick Ma'Kai up after lunch and keep him there until visiting hours were done or later... he was a great little boy.  For a 16 month old, he does so great everywhere we go, but then again... so did the other boys.  I was blessed with well behaved kids and i couldn't have asked for more.  He played and walked around the room, ate, napped,  watched tv, sang, whatever.... he didn't care, lol.  There was a playroom down the hall where we went a couple of times but not too often.   He loved going up and down the elevator whenever Michael went outside.  Matter of fact... they would go up and down the elevator 3-4 times before they would actually get off and Michael would have to force him out of it.  Found that out when i took him down, lol.  But everyday that he would come to visit sissy he would have to give her a hug and a kiss and sit or lay in the bed with her...  so sweet!!

He's doing great as  big brother.  Better than i expected but he still has his moments every now and then and it started when Michael left.  He's definitely daddy's boy but when Michael was here, it wasn't so bad... we split our time between the two... and Ma'Kai still had Mommy time... but when Michael left, of course it's a lot to take in for him... he's still a baby, my baby, and he just doesn't understand. =(  

So Thursday went by and early Friday morning came... still in the hostpital.  When i had NaLysia they told me not to be alarmed if i saw blood spotting in her diaper, it's like she's having a period, very normal.  I was seeing it, at one diaper a day... but at around 430am Friday i changed her and it was way more than what I have been seeing and it was a stringy clot and just to make sure i called the nurse to take a look.  With all the catheters they tried to do with no success AT ALL... i want to make sure THEY didn't hurt my baby and that she was ok.  But of course the nurse is not sure... and the residents weren't sure... and of course... of course... but shift change... the Dr. we get is not sure... WTF!!??  They want us to stay yet another night... it's Friday... we spent the whole week there.  So i'm pissed... why... cuz all week i never got a straight answer, no one knows anything... no one!!!  I want to take my baby out of the hospital to one that knows something.  

So by Friday late afternoon... (before shift change) the Dr. comes in with an OB dr. and another one... and they said that to them everything looks normal.  We should be good to go but the Dr. on call still wants us to stay.  She knew I was mad... i had attitude the entire time she spoke to me... so she comes back and hour later and gives me 2 choices.  She gets more blood from the baby and she gets an ultrasound and if everything looks normal we can go home and come back in the morning for another blood test or she does everything, stay until Saturday morning, gets another blood test and we can be out of there by 10am Saturday morning... by this point I was done with her, the hospital, the runaround... i miss my kids, my baby is ok... we are going home!!  I'll be back first thing in the morning.  So that's exactly what we do...

She's exactly one week old... I get to the hospital, she gets poked hopefully for the last time!!  Go see the Dr. and explain everything that's been going on because Dr.'s don't talk to each other... and she asks, "She got admitted for that??  They didn't need to do that.  They should have waited an hour and if was still high, come back the next morning for a follow up."  WHAT!!??  Seriously??  After everything that happened this week??  OMG!!  Then she kept shaking her head and after she's reads everything in her file and she asks, "So she never had a fever after her temp was taken down here??"  I say, "NO."  Then she says again, talking to herself, she shouldn't have been admitted or at least released by morning.  WHAT!!??  Again... seriously???  She proceeds to look at NaLysia and asks the usual questions... and says she's perfectly normal to me... but to make them happy, come back tomorrow.  And we did... and everything was fine..

Forgot to mention that during her US... she was so pissed and crying so much that she pooped everywhere (including me) and all i could think was ... "Well that's what she thinks of that... and all you people that keep messing with me!!"  LOL... But everything was normal during that US, they were looking at her uterus... 

So my baby is fine, everything happens for a reason... it was a scare but everything's fine. God wouldn't have put that on our plate if HE didn't think we could handle it.  I am relieved my baby girl is healthy and that's all we ask for.  We wanted Michael to stay a bit longer but obviously not for that reason but he did get to spend more time with his baby girl.  

Told you all it was a long story!!  A week in the hospital!!  I DISLIKE hospitals... 

A week of pain...

Not everyone know, i chose not to blast it on FB...

At NaLysia's 2 day well baby- (she was 3 days old), i took her in and she had a slight fever, 100.3.  I didn't think she was sick at all... she was eating, peeing, pooping, doing everything she should've been doing right.  I'm thinking she might have been as hot as she was because well... it was a HOT day and i put her into a HOT car, in a HOT carseat, and she cried the entire 15 minutes she was in the car seat... and she was wearing fleece pajamas... when we got to the clinic, i had to take her clothes off to a diaper and i wrapped her in a fleece blanket so she didn't get cold...

So from getting into the clinic and checking in and the nurse call us back and get vitals and all that... it was at least 5 minutes... my baby girl did NOT have time to cool off...  So now they're telling me that if her fever doesn't go down, she'll have to get admitted.  (Michael was leaving the next day... )  OMG!!! So they checked her temp again 15 minutes later and it was 100.2 then she comes back 5 minutes later, and 100.5 ( this is with the forehead scanner) .  I am hoping my baby is ok, but i really think everything that just happened... was why she was so hot!!  I have all kinds of emotions going through my head with NaLysia possibly being sick and Michael leaving the next day... i don't want to do this alone... i call him and tell him what's going on...

In the meantime, while i wait for him to come to hostpital... they start testing on baby... I was NOT going to leave my baby alone, no matter how hard it was for me to watch everything that was done to her!!  They tried and tried and tried... an on going 30-40 minutes to insert a catheter in her... with NO success!!  I was getting so frustrated because there was 4 of them and they were all saying things like "Do you see it??  Right there... i think"  "Is that it??"  "I can't see it."  "Wait right here."  Basically, they didn't know for sure but they were sticking her anyway... UGH!!!  She poked and prodded and blood taken... during all this of course I was an emotional wreck and I couldn't stop crying!!  At this point... I was still alone... =(  I didn't know what to do but hold my baby's hand!!  She screamed and screamed and all i could say was that, "it was ok, baby, mommy is right here."

Writing about this now, is bringing back emotions and i can't help but cry.

I'm jumping around and skipping some parts cuz this is already a long story....but Michael finally gets there as they get ready to take us upstairs to get admitted!!  By the time we get up there (1 hour later) her fever is gone, her temp is normal... but they're still admitting her for the next 48 hours.  Michael got a hold of someone and he had a week to be with us... So this was on a Tuesday...and by this time it was about 6pm... 48 hours!!The Dr. comes and explains everything... i'm still emotional... eyes about to be swollen shut due to all the crying... I won't leave my baby's side... we're still worried, we don't know what going on.  She's get started on her ivy... oh which btw way is on her little head...

Antibiotics are given and started... we still don't know whats wrong with her but just in case the antibiotics have been started. By this point my baby was finally peaceful and she was getting some much needed sleep without her being bothered.  That to be interrupted not too later... when they took her to get more testing done.  She was getting a spinal tap...We all decided that it was best that we not be in there for that one... and so Michael stayed in the room and waited while I left to get some fresh air.  I was really missing Ma'Kai so I went home to try to put him into bed... I held him and cried... and he knew something was wrong and that I was leaving again beacuse by 1130 pm, he still wasn't asleep and I went home at about 9.  I was so sad to leave him, I wanted to take him with me, but Michael told me to just come back and he would just fine with my Mom.  Gave all of them kisses and went back to the hospital.

They didn't get any fluid from the spinal tap and the next day they wanted to do it again... along with the stupid catheter... and still my baby is showing no signs of being sick... and to make it worse, everyone keeps saying she's doing great... everything looks normal... but we're still in the hostpital!!??  You still keep poking her, taking her blood... spinal taps, catheter...

to be continued... my baby needs me...

Progress..

I think we've made some progress!!

I went to McChord housing office today and had them fax Fairchild our housing application (that they should've already had... another story!!) along with orders and POA!!  I called them to make sure they received it and they told me that I should hear from them tomorrow.  If i don't get a phone call by 3:30... this chick is gonna be making some phone calls!!  I really need a house... like NOW!!!

1 room- me and 2 babies... and a room full of clothes in suit cases from 5 people just SUCKS!!!  Along with the things we've added and collected since end of May!!  It's just a bit tiring, lol... i am ready for structure and my kids are too... they may not want to go back to school or be back on schedule but Mommy needs it!!  ;P

Almost..

Almost forgot... i've been passing it up all day...

Not much to write.  No one threw up today.  (knock on wood) Although, the day did start with 2 crying, whiney babies... it got a bit overwhelming but i made it through it, lol...

I did get a chance to go to WIC office, finally... but unfortunately, i have to wait another 2 weeks before i get some for NaLysia.  I am just not the breasfeeding Mom... i don't have the patience nor the time.  It might have a lot to do with the fact that i don't get much to begin with so my babies are literally attached at all times.  20-30 minutes each side... then a break for about 20-30 minutes then it's back at it again.  Yea... this Mama just can't do it.  Especially with Ma'Kai as young as he is.

Another thing today... my freakin' laptop is 2 years old, the warranty just expired June 17, and i sent it in to get cleaned since there was nothing wrong with it.  Now of course that the warranty is expired and my laptop is deciding to act up.  It's plugged in, says it's plugged in... says it's charging... but it says 0% battery remaining!!  UGH... of course... hopefully a new battery will fix it.

Now to work on keeping NaLysia to sleep...

another Sunday....

Today was another beautiful day... what a beautiful weekend it was!!  Too bad my kids were sick throughout most of it.  Today, i got them out of the house... i was determined to, lol!!

I managed to get everyone ready and we left not too long after lunch time... and first stop was the park!!  They've been asking to go and i thought today was the perfect day.  Perfect weather and the kids weren't sick anymore.  So when we get there... i have Ayeanna take Ma'Kai out of the car and take him to the park while i work on putting my Moby wrap on and get NaLysia in it.

So 10 minutes... i am set, got it wrapped tight the way i like it, i got her in, i got my camera... i go to the kids... and they're sitting down in the shade!!  I told them i didn't take them to the park to sit... if it;s too hot, we're leaving.  And that we did... they're attitudes changed, they were sad to leave but no... we weren't just gonna sit there.  So i was going to take them home but i decided to take them to McDonald's... there we go ice cream and the played for a bit.

Afterwards, we went to visit my high school friend, Carol, and her family and hung out at their house for a little bit.  As many times as i come back to visit... somehow Carol and i never get the chance to get together... and i don't know why we don't make the time... we both have boys that pretty close in age and when we come here my boys don't have "friends" to play with... there's my BFFs nieces and of course girls...

It was a beautiful day! We hung out in the backyard while the kids played... like a typical filipino... they're feeding my tribe and trying to get me to eat, lol... it was nice.  That's what i like... that was how i like to spend my days, my weekends... friends talking, kids playing... i haven't had that since i've been back. I don't usually either.  I've become mature, a mother, and most of my friends are... but we live a completely different lifestyle these days.  I love them still... but they need to understand where I am coming from.

I like a few drinks here and there... but i am focused on my family.... and that's how it should be.  So they come first..

As the sun starts to set on this Sunday... the skies were so nice...

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I've been on a roll...

So i figured... since i'm remembering... i better not skip a day... ;P

Not much today.  No incidents... no puking... but TaShaun was still running a fever.  Another beautiful day and we didn't do anything.  I feel bad for the other kids but i don't want to have the sick kids miss out either... especially when all they can do is sit in bed anyway.  Well TaShaun at least cuz it's kinda hard to keep a 16 month old still, lol.

I ran a few errands and found a Kinko's... forgot about that place.  I made some print outs and forgot to make copies of course, lol... but i guess i can go back tomorrow because unlike "island" life... it's actually OPEN!!  HAHAHA... the little things that crack me up. ;P

But i went around trying to find a battery for my DLSR because i have a photoshoot tomorrow and couldn't find my freaking battery.  My fault... i should've put it back into the camera... but i didn't and i have spent the last 3 days looking for it!!  I looked online and amazon has it for less than $9... regular price was $24.99, so it said... i only looked at one.  So i went to Walmart first... figured, no hurt in trying, but no luck... and ended up at Best Buy.  I first found one for a Canon... ($69.99.. HELL NO!!) I kept looking, couldn't find any... asked someone... they didn't have any but referred me to Batteries Plus... so they have one... $39.99... ???  I don't want to spend that either... i thought i was gonna spend at least $25... and i didn't want to do that but after looking around for so long... i really changed my mind to pay no more than the $9 plus shipping... lol... so i came home.

Searched and searched again... as many times as i looked in the same places... it was in my purse where i looked several times already!!  What the heck??  LOL... glad i found it before i spent all that money on it.  i am going to buy that one on Amazon, since i am pursuing this photography... a back up battery isn;t a bad idea... especially since my battery died on me during my last shoot on Monday... luckily it was the end and they were my friends... pretty much family.

I am very excited to have my shoot tomorrow.  i am so very nervous... i hope i get my camera settings right... the weather cooperates... the light cooperates... all that.  My first set of clients that are NOT friends or family!!!  Wish me luck!!

Another long night...

To start if off... it was after 2am and i finally got Ma'Kai to sleep and i'm trying to keep NaLysia asleep.  So I am sitting on my bed, rocking NaLysia and in comes Ja'Mari, in tears, and says "Mommy, I miss Daddy!!"  It broke my heart and got me all teary... holding back the tears.  I give him a hug and he cries even more.  I haven't called Michael daily because he doesn't have a set schedule and he could be working days or nights and i don't want to mess up his sleep... but in this case... i had to call him.  So I asked Ja'Mari if he'd like to call, and of course he said yes... we called and he got on the phone and Ja'Mari said, "Daddy, I miss you..." and broke down crying... he couldn't talk. =(  Tears rolling down my face... i encourage him to talk to Daddy and Michael's on the end telling him that he misses him too. I got Ja'Mari to change the subject so he would stop crying and he told him how he got a huge plane from the dollar store... they talked for about 10 minutes and Ja'Mari was feeling somewhat better.  Better enough so that he was ready for bed... and that he did...

I talked to Michael for a few... which made me feel better from the last few days of being an emotional wreck... told him what's been going on, etc.  I am feeling better that i got to hear his voice... and hoping that we can skype later on so that the kids can see him.

I'm finally about to go to bed but right before i check FB, lol.. cuz i had 6 notifications... and then i hear footsteps... i know it's either TaShaun or Ja'Mari... and they're coming for my room and not the bathroom...  I was right... It was TaShaun... he just threw up all over the couch and floor where he was sleeping in the living room and he threw up on the way to my room... all over the floor... and almost in my room, but he made it to the toilet this time.  He's so upset, not only because he's throwing up but because he threw up on "A LOT" on the couch and floor... and i have to clean it up.  I told him it was ok, sometimes you can't help it.  So i make him a pallete on the floor in my room, so that he doesn't throw up on the bed.  he goes and grabs a plastic bag to put next to him... i give him some motrin and i ask him where his water was and he proceeds to get up... i told him i'd get it for him... and he tells me where it's at.  I come back and he's sitting up, taking deep breaths, holding his bag... he didn't throw up again but he was getting ready.

He's now laying down and just took a drink of water... hopefully we all feel better and not waste the day.  Not only is it going to be another beautiful day in Washington, that we have to take advantage everytime... but it's also A.J.'s 18th birthday!!!

This would be another reason i need my own space... then we'd be doing what we'd do at home... we'd be camping out in the living room... can't do that here.. just the boys...

sickness is contagious...

if you've been reading, you would know that Ma'Kai's been sick... throwing up.  Today i wake up feeling like CRAP!!!  My stomach was hurting!!!  hunched over and everything... come to find out my Mom too... OMG!!!

I had to go to the bank, coudln't hold it off another day... so i go and i am feeling somewhat better cuz i threw up before i left... you know how sometimes that makes you feel better... well i thought it did.  I am leaving the bank about to go home and then i think to myself.... hold on... i am going to the store and i am getting something... i don't know what cuz i don't ever, ever take medicine for stomach issues... i don't know what to get.  i go to walmart and i am stuck... i get pepto and tums cuz that's all i know about, lol.  At this point... i am starting to feel the cramping in my stomach again...

I walk my way to the register and i feel flushed and my stomach is cramping and i feel like passing out and i am shakey.  All i am wanting is for these people to hurry up and pay and move out of my way!!  Of course i get the cashier  that is slowest.  I grab a water from the cooler and i start drinking it.  I am leaning up against the register waiting for it to be my turn... and OMG finally me and i had 3 things... it took her FOREVER to give me back 54 freakin'cents!!!

I really was feeling bad.. i walked out the door and sat on the of the patio set displays because i really felt like i was gonna pass out!!  I sat there for about 10 minutes to compose myself.  Finally, i got the energy to walk to my car and i turned it on, turned the AC up to full blast!!  I was even more shakey and i still felt like passing out and i was hunched over with pain!!  Another 15 minutes go by and i finally get the strength to drive home... during the drive it was stomach pains every 2-3 minutes like i was having contractions or something!! It was THAT bad!!!

Finally, i'm home... the baby is asleep... i take Ma'Kai and we take a nap!!  He was passed out... for me... i kept waking up in pain!!  I don't know what's wrong!!  I've taken 9 peptos already!!  I figured i'd get up and get some fresh air after 2 hours.. ma'kai woke up, i make him a gerber graduate meal and take him outside while i get some air... at this point my stomach is being good.. no pain.

Just when i thought we were in the clear (with Ma'Kai) he throws up!!  Glad we were outside... then 2 minutes later... he did it again!!  BOO!!!  So i spray it down with the hose and we come inside!!  I sit on the bed with the baby and TaShaun wakes up from his nap (that he took cuz his tummy hurt) and tells me his head hurts now... oh my... i think this house is coming down with something.

NO!!  i can't do this... i can't be sick!!  Are you kidding me?? I rarely ever get sick and when i do... it isn't the freakin' flu!!  I have 5 kids to take care of at the moment... c'mon... let it be a 24 hour bug!!

A week a go...

A week a go from yesterday, Michael left...

I was also an emotional wreck last night!!  Missing and needing my husband, a needy Love Bug, a sick Monkey, and they rest of 3 ducklings... were up, running around, wanting everything, and taddling all night long... so i just needed to take a moment to break down and let it out!!

Yes... i am SuperMom, but even super heros need a break...

It probably doesn't help that not only am i a single parent to 4 kids and 2 being only 15 months apart, both of whom are still needing Mommy more than ever... for the next year but i am living in a small room with my 2 babies... and all 5 of our belongings are in this itty bitty room with an itty bitty closet.  Me being unprepared and not knowing and indecisive about where I am going once school starts!!  Do I go to Spokane and be the independent person that I am or stay here and be half independent... meaning... i get out and get a house but i still have my parents to fall back on as far as babysitters.  I just don't know... and i NEED to figure out!!

I want to work, i want to go to school, I want to be with my kids... but i know i can't do it all!!  Well ... i can... i have been doing it for the last 7 years!!  But this time around i don't have Michael to be there for my kids.

Since being here... and it's always like this when we are here but this time its different because we've been here for so long.  Since we've been here the boys have lost structure and keeps forgetting the rules.... taking advantage of things, and outright losing their respect and manners towards others.  They've become lazy and just doesn't want to do anything!!  It is driving me nuts because this is NOT how i run the Berish household.  But that's the issue... this isn't my house!!  I am not always there to supervise them and because they're not always here or should i say have been so far away... the grandparents just let them get away with it... and i am not liking it.  I state that and it just doesn't matter so therefore that frustrates me even more.

They have no schedule, they're playing to many video games, not going outside, eating too much junk, eating at all times of the day and night... arguing, not listening, taddling... OMG... i know life is peachy everyday... but this would not be happening like this if i had my OWN HOUSE!!!

I need to figure things out and act on it... i am getting way to stressed out and i don't have time for all that when i have these kids to take care of...

The kids helping him check his bags in...

Right before getting on the plane... then it was tears... from Mommy at least... =*(

Hopefully...

I have an awful migraine and is really msising and needing my husband tonight...

Hopefully, Ma'Kai is feeling somewhat better... he hasn't thrown up in a few hours... he's been drinking, still not much to eat... but he's been drinking and staying hydrated.  He had a fever, poop has been hard as rocks today, and still 8 teeth taking its time to completely poke through.  =(  Because he's sick, of course he wants me and he wants me to hold him so when i am in the middle of feeding NaLysia... he doesn't take it so well... instant tears...

I email Michael and i tell him how much i am missing and needing him and how i was thinking of him and afterwards, i pick up NaLysia to give her a kiss and play with her for a little bit.  Instant tears... i get all emotional!!  It hits me... Michael is gone for a year... her first year... he's gonna miss out on EVERYTHING!!! This is favorite time... when they're little and he gets to nap with them on his chest. =(  I don't get to take that picture with her and her daddy... i never got the chance to take a picture of her and her daddy by themselves...=(  **SIGH**

an emotional wreck at the moment...

My little Monkey,,,

My poor little monkey isn't feeling too well today.  Not much for me last night, very early this morning Ma'Kai had thrown up in the bed and all over himself... it was more saliva then anything and he kept gagging himself.  he woke up a few times doing it.  He had went back to sleep until about noon and for a couple of hours he played.  He didn't want to eat anything but he drank his milk and some water.

So the plan for the day was to go back and look at a dog... on the way there i smelled it... yup, he threw up all over himself and the car seat!!  =/ I ended up getting him an outfit at walmart and we went to go see the dog (who wasn't there) and went home.  Then i realized, he threw up again!!  Poor little guy.  As soon as we got home, we came into the room, i took off his shoes, and he was asleep in less than 2 minutes!!  He is just now waking up after 3 hours.

He just took a bite of my pretzel, first thing he's eaten all day and is asking for some water.  So maybe he slept it off a bit but he does feel a little warm. =(  Let me go feed my monkey... i might regret this later but at least he's getting some food in.

Had a laugh tonight...

So i go outside for some fresh air and i choose to go out to the front porch and sit down. Then i notice there's white stuff on the ground.  So i get up to go look and there's a trail from the gate onto the driveway. So I am looking and i see a bottle in the driveway... and from afar i can tell it's a ranch bottle.  I didn't open the gate, i thought about it, but then saw that there ranch on the lock and handle too. In the middle of this ranch mess... (imagine) there 2 kiwis and a cucumber laying there...

LMAO!!  What in the world??  I say, "WTF? Is that a cucumber and kiwis??" SMH and i text my brother to see if he was home.  His door was closed so i didn't know... he texts back and yes he's home so i tell him to come outside!!  I try to take a picture but my phone doesn't have a freakin' flash and its too dark, you can't see a thing, lol.  So AJ comes out and i let him figure it out... he then laughs and i say, "Someone's mad or just playing a joke on you"  He doesn't know what's going on and who it was, lol... i tell him to take a pic and if it comes out to send it to me, but he never did so i figure it didn't come out too well... hahaha.  He picks up the cucumber and kiwis, throw it away, and wipes the lock and handle to the gate... but leaves the ranch all over the driveway and part of the walk way... SMH!!

Then i realize... there's some ranch on my car!!  Punks... messing with my car... they're lucky i don't know who they are, lol... So i figure, i'll take the hose and spray it off... well i couldn't figure out where the faucet was it was too dark for me to just stick my hand in there and feel around, especially since there was a huge spider web next to... so there's still ranch everywhere and i meant to go back out there with a wipey and wipe my car off but then i got distracted and forgot... now i'm too lazy and about to go bed... i hope at least.

Good laugh for the night...

A trip to the Humane Society

I took the kids to the Humane Society today... to look... and that's what we did... but if that pittbull was there... it could have been different.  Lol... idk what it is but i think pitbulls are so beautiful and people would treat them right, they would have a better name.  I, along with the boys, just really miss our Sheera!! =(

Now that we lost Gordy... and it's sad because the kids don't know what happened to him really... they just know that he ran away.  he was missing for 2 weeks and was found in the lake by our house.  he must've fell in, and kills me that we never found him, and that he had to drown... =(  His first year of life and he didn't even make it the full year, he's had it so hard... with his seizures and all.

As a family, we've always had a dog.  Before we had the kids, we had Sheera... we've always just had a dog, thats what my kids know and they miss it.  Although, they want little dogs... dogs that I call "kick-dogs", hahaha... it just will never happen in this family, lol.  Not in my house at least!!  They also want a cat and that definitely won't EVER happen!!  I told Ja'Mari that when he gets his own place, he can get a cat... and i'll even buy it for him.

Tomorrow, we plan on going back to take a look at Auggie, an 8 month old pitt... we'll see... it's all how he acts around the kids of course.  If he can handle all these kids around him... then we're good.  We got Gordy at 6 months, and what sold him was when Michael brought him into a house full of people and he was bombarded with kids from 1 to 13 about 6 of them... and he sat there and did nothing... he sat and let them pet him.  That's the kind of dog we need... but sadly we lost him.

We'll also be meeting a 1 1/2 year old chocolate lab for my mother... that my friend's cousin's friend is trying to find a home for because he can't afford to build a fence.

Sleepless nights...

Been having trouble sleeping...

I've always been a night owl... i used to have really bad insomnia... never really went to be early... ever... unless i'm sick, REALLY tired, or pregnant with Ma'Kai... hahaha but i seem to stay up later and later...

I'm not tired.  I manage to lose track of time and realize...OMG it's 2!!  3?? 4??  it's 4:17 am right now and I am up, both babies are asleep... i should be asleep with them.  Of course what sucks is that as soon as I am about to fall asleep or get ready to sleep... NaLysia wakes up!!  Of course it's not her fault her Mom doesn't sleep... Ma'Kai at least will sleep until about 11, lol... but still... sometimes its not enough for me...

Since Michael has been gone... it doesn't make it any easier.  I've been doing a lot of blogging, obviously these last couple of days.  One of the things i do in the middle of the night.  Making hair bow, flowers, baby wipes cases, editing pictures... are other things that i do... besides get on FB from time to time...

So, NaLysia is starting to wiggle around... so i guess it's time for me to go feed her and them maybe i'll get to bed!!

Pictures for Grandma Betty...

I did a photoshoot today of my BFFs nieces...

It ended up being such a beautiful day today.  Nice, sunny, and warm... the perfect, not too hot and not cold... =)  We had this planned already and i'm so glad the weather cooperated!!  We decided to go to Wapato Park where they had several places to take pictures at... although i didn't get all the cooperation I would've wanted... but they are kids... you have to get their attention when you can, lol.   Over 100 pictures and a few of them turned out.  I would like to re-do the session...

But these pictures are for Grandma Betty.  She wanted their pictures done together because they've never had pictures done... together!!  SO... i was willing to do their firsts of course and they are my family too...

Silly Mary, at first she kept posing... then we'd tell her to stop and smile, then she would, then she'd look elsewhere, to the side, then... "Mary look at me!" and it would be a quick look then eyes back to the side, hahaha... it was interesting.  So needless to say... i got very little of Mary but a lot of her looking to the side or making funny faces.

Now Jaeda, of course she's older, 11, and was ready for pictures... i got some cute ones of her but her little glasses kept getting in the way.  Fortunately, i took a lot of her anyway so we got some good ones... she was ready and willing to pose.  She was even suggestion places, which was awesome... her little sister was just wanting to go the park already!!

As beautiful as it was... the sun was messing with my pics.. before i headed out, the lighting was perfect.  The sun was out but yet the clouds were too... so it wasn't too bright out there.  But by the time the shoot started... well... it was to bright and a lot of my pictures were just over exposed!!  At the same time... when i got there (the first time)... i should have known that the shoot wasn't gonna go smooth, because i left my memory card at home... and instead of driving back home and being stuck in traffic, after all it was 5pm... i had to go to Fred Meyer's and get another compact flash, lol.  No... it was a beautiful day and the shoot wasn't a disaster... just me!! HAHAHA... that's why i'm starting with friends... ;P

So if you are in WA and want some pictures done... please let me know!!  You and/or your family can be my guinea pigs... your session will be FREE of course... and a FREE picture/pose/print!!

Check out www.facebook.com/maebphotography and LIKE my page and check out my pictures!!

Mary (L) and Jaeda (R)

Sunday's best...

Today was a busy day... got up earlier than normal for this summer break... at least for the kids, lol... after a night of... "go to bed!!", "turn the TV off!!"   etc. etc... lol... they finally went to bed about 2am-ish... GEEZ and i woke them up around 9ish... told'em they were gonna be tired and they were... 

But they got ready to go... my boys looking handsome as always... and Ma'Kai apparently thought he was GQ cuz he walked around like he was... showing off his new shoes and all!!  Hahaha... they were all so cute... with 5 kids in tow... i never got all 5 of them together in a pic and everytime i started to, something or someone distracted me!!  So just a few pics here there...

Russell (Michael's cousin) and Nicole's wedding was beautiful... had me a little teary.  It's been awhile since i've been to a wedding!!  They've been together awhile, 3 beautiful girls... it's about time they made it official!!  ;P  It was nice to see some of Michael's side of the fam again and meeting some i've never met.  I've been the "Berish Family"  for quite sometime now... but being overseas for the past 7 years and everyone spread out everywhere... there's a few i still have never met.  

Nice to get recognized...

If you followed my FB posts or know me from Lajes... you'd know that I was one busy person.  I did and do everything that I do, not to be recognized for it but because I like to...

But it is nice to get a little recognition sometimes... =D

He had a great year in Sure Start....

Although, he really should've been in Kindergarten... if his birthday wasn't 16 days after cut off... he had an awesome year in Sure Start.

I got nothing but good reports of course... i really didn't expect anything less from Ja'Mari... from my kids in general... they're great.  He came home with smiley faces everyday except for one day and he was heart broken.  He was so devastated, he couldn't talk about it without crying... it melted my heart.  I don't even remember what happened now, but it was nothing in my eyes... but to him, it was the end of the world.  It took nearly the entire school year... nearly a perfect record... but honestly, i think his teacher was having a bad day!!  LOL... We had 2 conferences with the teacher but we didn't even need it... the teacher had nothing but praise and great things to report.  He is one smart kid... more than ready for Kindergarten!!

The day we were leaving the island, was the day of his class party... good thing our flight wasn't until that evening because he got to have fun with his class one more time!!  He truly had a blast and misses his class and friends!!

A day filled with fun filled crafts, snacks, and outdoor play!!

Before leaving the island...

We spent some time with Catherine and her son, David... 2 years a go, we got to Lajes... we stayed in TLF and were on the same floor just a couple of rooms apart.  Her husband, the postmaster... this was their second tour on the island, but the last time was years back... when they were younger and had no kids... my boys were older but we still spent a lot of time together having playdates, a long with Carrie and her boys...

We hadn't seen Catherine and David for some time because I was always so busy running around volunteering for something and when i wasn't busy... they were in Belguim... =P  So we made it a point to meet up before i left!!  We met at the park... let the boys play and had a great conversation, catching up... and saying goodbye!! =(  

Catherine was such a great person!!  I miss her... the military sure does introduce you to great people!!  But it's always sad to have to say good bye... =(

Tashaun, my future photographer in training took the pictures.

Just thinking...

I am missing my island life... at Lajes...

as slow as it was, as small as it was...(is)... as much of there was nothing to do... i was busiest being there but i loved every moment of it... there was always a meeting, a get together, a dinner, lunch... bbq, party... and those days of NOTHING was awesome!!  I loved it!!  I miss it!!  Miss my friends... miss our lunch dates, miss our play dates, miss our texting, lol... and haning out on my front porch conversating about anything and everything!!

Lajes has taught me a lot.  It's help me become more mature, a better military wife, and mother...

Instead of Lajes making me depressed and bored... i took in every moment.  Everyone always told me i was a busy person... calling me "Super MOM"  and yes... i do it cuz i want to and not to be noticed for it... i love to stay busy, i like to the things that i do... and still manage to take care of me, my kids, and my husband.

Maybe it's cuz i'm feeling down ... I am so independent, i HATE having to live in this room in my parents house... (which i definitely appreciate)  but i've been doing this on my own and it's what i've been used to of course.  My boys aren't on schedule, i can't get on schedule, my rules don't seem to apply... idk... it's fine for the first couple of weeks but it does get old... and most of all... i just want my OWN space and my OWN stuff!!  I am anal about some things and i have a hard time living with others.

Some people are concerned about me being alone with the kids for the next year, but if you know me at all... you know I GOT THIS!!! =D  If you know Michael at all... you know I GOT THIS!!  LOL!!!  I do/did everything on my own... i've given up on asking for help... not that he won't do it, he just won't do it when i want it done and the way i want it done... so i do myself.  I do the cleaning, feeding, the playing, etc. etc... and it's normal for me... it gets frustrating but its how our family works, i guess.  but I GOT THIS!!!  I'm sure it won't be easy... but I GOT THIS!! HAHAHA...

I am ready to get to Fairchild, or get a house here... i haven't fully decided!!  I am ready for thing to get back to my family norm minus Daddy... but it will still run the way i run it!!

Miss my Lajes Ladies... some of many... lunch at one of our favorite spots... "Soup and Salad"

Day 4: Missing you

"you never know how strong you can be until being strong is your only choice."


So today marks Day 4 of Michael being gone... it was hard the first day and it surprisingly hasn't been too hard until today... until this moment.  I am missing my babe a lot today.  It's definitely been a long time since we've been apart.  It's been at least 7 years since he's deployed... and he hasn't TDY very much while we were in the Azores. 


One year...??  Really??  Unfortunately, this was a choice he made... and i have no choice but to be strong.  It was choice to get to a place that he would be happy to finish out his career and for him to be happy... after all he is the one in the military and he is the one working.  It's a sacrifice we have to face, the kids and i, just have to be strong... and it's up to me to lead them.


I'm not sure when to call him... at least he's only 4 hours ahead so it's like him being in the East Coast... but his schedule is still unclear so i don't want to wake him or keep him up if he's got to work days or nights.  I'll just wait for him to call me or call sometime tomorrow... 


He will definitely miss a lot this year and we will miss him everytime... at least i like to take pictures so he can't miss a day... thinking about doing a Sunday diary and picture.  Every Sunday, as long as i can remember, i'll post a pic and talk about the day/week in FB!!  Starting tomorrow... we'll see... how this goes, lol... see i'm not so good at blogging already, lol. 

can't sleep... Part 1- PCS from the Azores

It's quite sometime again... so i figured since i can't sleep and i've read everyone's updates on FB and checked my emails... lol... i thought i would catch up on some blogging.  A lot has gone on since my last one... i'm not in the Azores anymore... that's for sure, lol.

Once again, a rough PCS... i had to leave no later that 36 weeks... i left a week early... got lucky and they finally had official orders in and we got Ja'Mari's passport just in time for us to leave.  The movers came after i leave... so i wasn't there to keep an eye on them... my husband, my poor husband, who doesn't know much about "our stuff" (LOL) did it all on his own... and TG he skyped me to ask about a few things... and I had to remind him not to forget the shed... (THIS TIME!!)  Which he pretty much did, lol... when PCSing from Oki... he forgot the shed and the backyard... which didn't make me too happy at all... all i did was leave to pick TaShaun up from school... and it happened to be the day of his birthday/going away party at school so i was gone for an hour... i thought he had it... which made me very skeptical about this move and this packing situation without my supervision, lol... i hope it all went fine.   I know i will probably get some trash, some things i didn't want... as long as i'm not missing something i did want... lol.  Already know of 1 thing... it's ok though... i can live without...

The kids at the terminal at Lajes, waiting for the people coming from Italy to deboard the plane and AMC to clean and fill the tank so we can head to Norfolk!!

Passed out as soon as we got on the plane, he got in the car seat, grabbed and blankey and was out!!

35 and 4 days pregnant, the 3 boys and I took the flight to Norfolk that ended up being SO freakin' long!!
Flight was normal, but getting through customs... who knew it would take 2 hours?? I hated leaving my husband behind again... this time was different, we were PCSing... we've always done that together but he couldn't leave yet and i had to GO!!!  It was nice of my sweet island girls to see me off... and for the boys to be able to say good bye to their friends... again... as hard as it is for them.  It was also nice to be able to get on the same flight as Mike, Carrie, and the boys... funny how we got there on the same plane and leave there on the same plane.  It was nice for our boys to be able to keep themselves occupied and spend time with each other before we went our separate ways... we got to Norfolk and end up staying at the same hotel... and we departed the next afternoon... they were on their way to NC and i was headed back to WA.  They were truly awesome people and hope our paths cross again...

It was a long day of traveling from VA to WA... didn't get in until after midnight... as always... my boys did awesome... including Ma'Kai.  I couldn't have asked for better boys, so well behaved and oh so very helpful!!  They're the best!!!  They helped with the suitcases... but most of all they helped with Ma'Kai... TaShaun carrying the infant carrier everywhere... instead of bringing 2 carseats... i left Ma'Kai's to be packed up (both of them) and brought in the infant carrier for him to sleep and go into on the plane and my Dad bought him another car seat when we got here cuz of course that was cheaper then getting a new stroller and car seat for baby.

Before getting to WA we had a layover at JFK... i DID NOT expect to get onto a small place!!  OMG!!  I'm not the biggest fan of flying but small planes scare me, lol... but the boys loved it of course!!

Made to JFK and now we are on our way to WA... it was a long flight and the boys pretty much slept the entire time.  But this time, i think Ma'Kai was overly rested cuz he was a tad bit whiny... didn't care too much and expected it more since he was so great during the entire trip anyway.